So, obviously, I have taken a bit of a break from website/writing, as well as from teaching. This is my attempt to come back into that space…. A bit more personal and a little less professional this time. Can you dig?
Who am I to think that I can share advice/knowledge/whatever via this outlet when I can’t even keep up consistency? Who am I to even think that others will take me seriously, when I have obviously shown lethargy and poor prioritization, evidenced in my lack of posts over the last few months?
Well, I am a human. Not only that, but “a lot” has been happening since October. “A lot” is vague, true; but suffice it to say that getting through the days has been a feat in and of itself, let alone entertaining mental acrobatics regarding heady philosophy. Don’t get me wrong – I love heady philosophy, questions, and talking about yoga, social justice, etc… I’m sure that’s quite obvious. But sometimes you need to take care of your heart first.
Also – who ever said that what I share over this online outlet is worthwhile anyway? Maybe I was being a bit presumptuous when I lead myself into believing that I had a particularly high standard to continue to meet.
I mean, I’ll be straight with you – I don’t have it all figured out. And I’m not just saying that to try to appear all humble and so you will take me more seriously. Or whatever. And if you think I do (have it all figured out) or that I am (all humble) – well then, you’re utterly bonkers. No offense :-).
But I do have some little things kind of figured out. At least, I think so. Rather, some of these concepts have been “figured out” before, by those on the path(s) long before me. I think that there is a lot of truth out there – and a lot of illusions. I guess I’m just sharing my experience as I attempt to find and follow a path. Also – I have to write. It’s one of the things I was made to do.
So that’s why I’m here. Screw that idea of trying/wanting/afraid-of-not-being “worthy”! (…I mean, right?? …?)
Furthermore, is “consistency” even indicative of worthiness? I have spent my whole life believing that assumption to be true; honestly, I still often believe it is. However, I am willing to question it – just maybe, being worthy isn’t cultivated through consistency. I mean, maybe, right?
Anyway, I had felt a lot of pressure building up in my psyche about the lack of professional yoga work over the last few months. Now I’m trying to get back into the practice space.
I doubt I am the only one who has ever felt that sort of pressure, and how everyone responds to it will be different. Not only that, but sometimes we try different ways of dealing with that pressure. … hey wait a minute – isn’t that what yoga is?!